I’d like to convince you that I’m not actually this one dimensional person who breathes, eats and sleeps nothing but babylust. In the last few days, I think I’ve managed to find some of my other dimensions and it’s been really good. I feel sane and normal and interested and interesting again. I drank red wine on Saturday night and then again last night – just one glass each night. I was so happy to be able to do so. I realised that I never said goodbye to red wine and I felt relieved to have a second chance. Of course, it’s not really alcohol (well, maybe just a little – but not really) that I’ll miss when I’m pregnant, but just those little ‘me time’ rituals.
Now that this baby making thing is a reality, I’m considering all the implications of pregnancy and parenting in a whole different light. I am going to deeply and remorsefully miss the time that Ducks and I have together, alone. It’s not as if I’d never considered it before – we talk about it all the time – but the reality of it has just hit, and it hurts more than I thought it would. I thought 6 years (7 by the time a baby is here) was solid grounding but the truth is, it’s not enough – no amount of time will ever be enough and there’s no such thing as ‘the right time.’ I get it now.
So – it’s wonderful that I’m not knocked up just yet – I’ve got time, we’ve got time. I’ve been lapsed in lots of areas in my life and I’m going to reconnect. I’m going to a political meeting tonight. I’ve been a lapsed activist for a long time now. I work for an activist organisation and have been making excuses about doing my bit through my work but I need to do something more interesting and personal for me. I’m so looking forward to it and I’m really happy that Ducks is coming too. And, through the power of Facebook (which I swore was not my thing and bagged for a long time) I have started finding a stack of old friends. I’m not sure if I want to catch up with all of them but I’m thrilled to have reconnected with a few. Looks like my social life is about to pick up too! And maybe, just maybe, I’ll reintroduce myself to my sewing machine on my day off. Wouldn’t that be fun!!?!