Shifting Sands

I’ve had so much floating around in my head to blog about but with readjusting to the workers lifestyle, I’ve really not had the mental energy to do it. Of course, all those poignant, super important things I wanted to post about have slipped away from me now but I will try nonetheless to write something interesting…

RE: the Anonymity post –
We really have wonderful friends and I think Sarah was right when she suggested that sometimes letting people in can be a giant leap of faith and a great move! Before she had read the Anonymity post, K (our friend who found us…) and I had one of those really great email conversations that you can only have when you’re at work and supposed to be doing something else. Basically, she said, ‘BTW, I like your blog, I think what you write about is really interesting…’ and I said, ‘oh yeah, about that….’ and told her that I felt self conscious and blah blah blah and I concluded by saying that I felt stacks more comfortable about them reading it now that I’d had time to digest it and think it out. Turns out K totally understood my self consciousness and why we’d kept it quiet and straight away said that she wouldn’t read it anymore and she’d tell M, her partner not to either. In the end, I essentially welcomed them to read but I don’t think they will. (But, if indeed, you are reading – Hi! and welcome!) Nonetheless, it’s been a really interesting process for me – I definitely feel more able to trust our friends with our ‘stuff’ – which is a really great thing.

This TTC thing really does call for way.too.much introspection and personal growth. No one warned me about this.

Re: TTC bits and pieces.

The great news is that I’m bleeding, so I’ve waved goodbye to the month of indulgence and am back on the clean living, baby making wagon. Looks like we’ll insem at the end of the month. This month off has been really great. Over xmas, I ate all the gluten in the world and enjoyed it immensely. (My gut and my skin and my thyroid did not thank me but it is simply too hard to refuse Tiramisu.) I’ve also been drinking WAY more than usual and there was a 10 day period there where I was drunk or almost drunk every night. Of course, I am drunk or almost drunk on anything between 2 and 4 glasses of wine so it’s not like I’m particularly hardcore! It was good for my mental health though and I’m sure that any physical damage I may have done was well and truly countered by my healthier mental state. A month off feeling like a time bomb is a GOOD THING.

Unfortunately, the moment I got my period, the crazy-making was re-ignited and I’ve developed a ridiculous hysterical fear of our donor pulling out of the deal. It’s completely unfounded and he’s done nothing but be a patient, accommodating and supportive angel (as has his gorgeous gf) but I am, indeed, a nut case and have this unshakable need to make myself crazy. Surely I am not the only one who lives with this fear?

Re: Lucky me!
Looks like we’re going to Bali again this year. Last year we got crazy cheap flights ($270 return) and spent 10 wonderful days there in March. This year, my generous and wonderful mother has offered us some frequent flyer points to have ourselves another glorious holiday! It may be a family holiday – my sister and her partner are considering coming and if they come then Mum and her partner will come too which may be a slight challenge but regardless, 2 weeks in Bali will be just what I need by the time April comes around.

Bali is one of those places that never really interested me ‘cos I’m not really a touristy, resort holiday, beachy kind of girl but after a particularly rough year about 5 years ago, Mum gave me points to go there and I’ve never looked back. I’m really fortunate in that I have a friend with an awesome house who lives there so with free flights and free accom, it’s actually cheaper to hang out in Bali on holiday for 2 weeks than it is to stay home! (And having just spent almost a month hanging out at home, I can truly vouch for that – part of our indulgence was WAY overspending!)

Anyway I am so spoiled and I know it!

And you know why else I’m spoiled? – Ducks is doing some design work for another Chinese Medicine friend of ours (yes, we have a couple) and rather than paying for the work, I’m getting free acupuncture! So this cycle I’m going ALL OUT and having needles put in me at least once a week! Ducks is so kind to me – how is it fair that she does the work and I get the reward? I love her so.

I could soooo be a princess.



Filed under acupuncture, Family, gluten free diet, insemination, sanity, thyroid, ttc

2 responses to “Shifting Sands

  1. vee

    Yay for free needles. And hopefully, you’ll BOTH benefit if it results in a baby!

  2. so many lovely things are going on in your life and i just love being around your warmth. you have great friends and a great donor. everything is aligned and it is sure to happen soon. i just know it. oxox

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