It’s lucky I’ve got Tiff to keep me in line. I lost my blogging mojo for a minute there and until I received a little comment from her to that effect, I was thinking that maybe I was over blogging for good.

All is going well in pregnancy land. People tell me I’m glowing and I have a cute tummy. We finally had our ultrasound on Monday and Squeak is a very big, very healthy, very active little boy.  He’s so big in fact, that the tech asked me several times if I was sure of conception dates. She clearly hadn’t worked out that Ducks was my partner and it was only when I said ‘yes, he’s donor conceived’ that she stopped asking. I’m hoping his size is a good thing and means he’ll come a little early.

I’d be lying if I said that Ducks and I didn’t have a little bit of disappointment when we heard that Squeak has boy bits. Both of us wanted a girl but I was pretty sure he’d be a boy. The odds of fresh sperm/donor conceived babes being girls aren’t hot. Nonetheless, Ducks thought he was a girl. I felt pretty privileged and indulgent to even honour the disappointment we felt but am glad now that we did indulge. We spent 24hours letting it all sink in and and we’re now excited about choosing a boys name and raising an evolved, emotionally intelligent, feminist boy/man. Most of my apprehension came from fear and I’m glad for the opportunity to process that properly. And besides, it’s not that we didn’t want a boy, it’s just that we did want a girl…y’know?

So we’re coming down to the business end of the pregnancy now.  I’ve been flitting around, avoiding decisions and thinking I had plenty of time but now’s the time to get my butt into gear. First task…find a doula. I really want to find one who has experience with lesbian mamas but none of the recommendations I’ve had, have eventuated. I’m telling you as an intro to my plea…if any of you in blogland know of a great progressive doula in Melbourne, I want to know about her!!! I’m scared if I don’t book soon, I’ll be too late!

Next thing we have to sort out is nappies. We’re firmly in the cloth camp but our knowledge is so limited and there’s sooooooo many options out there that I’ve also given up even trying to understand. All I know is that the really cute, super easy fitted cloth nappies are too expensive and the cloth style nappy we had as kids seem like too much work.  Because I’m the first in my immediate peer group to be squeezing out a bub, I feel like I’m a little blind and unguided. I just want someone to tell me what to do!

I know I’ve probably harped on previously about unsolicited advice, but right now I’m begging…please – if you’ve got something about nappies or doulas to tell me, please do!



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11 responses to “AWOL

  1. Wow. something to say to everything! First of all, I totally understand about the girl thing. A long time ago, before we’d even started trying, bean and i once had a conversation that went something like this: ‘what would we do if we had two boys! how would we cope?!’ Two divinely gorgeous boys later, the questions seems just ludicrous. We still mourn the imaginary girl, but it doesn’t make us love our boys any less.

    Secondly, we know a couple of good doulas in melbourne who are both progressive and comfortable with lesbians – email us for names?

    Thirdly, we do cloth nappies so can tell you about our experiences there too! Don’t be too afraid of the terry flats. We use them and they are no more work than the prefolds would be, plus they are cheap and they dry quickly even if you don’t have a dryer. The key is that you don’t have to soak them – we just put them in a bucket, and then at the end of the day we use a little squirt thingo (can get through ABA website) to squirt off the poo, then chuck em all in the wash with a pre-wash of nappy-san. We use PUL covers which we love, but they are a little more expensive ($15-$25 each), but you could just use cheap plastic pilchers. We do use a mixture of microfibre all-in-ones and disposables for overnight and going out though. If you have any other questions just ask!

  2. we were considering getting a package deal at i don’t know if they will ship to you, but a combination of prefolds and covers seems to be the most cost effective.

    i also did some massive research about detergents to use, but i’ve finally concluded that it largely depends on 1. you, 2. your machine, and 3. the softness of your water.

    so what works for someone else may not work for you.

    you can buy used diapers off diaper swap websites, and i’m sure that’s all find and dandy, but it’s just not something i would want to do. to me, it’s like buying used underwear, and i wouldn’t do that for myself. but it is cheaper. so i guess it just depends on you.

    but that’s my 2 cents.

  3. Att

    Yay! I’m happy the little one is big and doing well. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had a second child and it was a girl?

    I literally have no advice on nappies or doulas. Mostly because I’m not in the all natural boat. But I DEFINITELY think you should find a pregnancy group around you that’s about natural parenting and go from there. I admire any woman who is willing to give cloth nappies a try.

    I really do love the fact that you’re dressed the same in both bump pictures. It makes the difference vv obvious.

    Are there really statistics that say boys are more readily concieved with donor sperm? Is there a difference from frozen to fresh? I’ve always assumed that donor sperm is the same as normal circumstances (where the majority of births are female, for some unknown reason, maybe the Y sperm tends to just be weaker?) but I know very little about cryo science.

  4. yup, another sara

    I don’t have any info about diapers or doulas (sorry), but I am glad to see you back here and really glad to see the belly pic! Good luck sorting out the details and congratulations on your SON!

  5. First, congrats on a healthy baby boy! Secondly, I understand about the disappointment. I’m glad you guys gave yourselves some time to deal with it….it’s hard. I wanted a girl so badly! I can relate to how you phrased it though….it’s not that I DIDN’T WANT a boy….it’s just that I WANTED a girl. I’m sure your little man will be amazing, and everything you’d hoped for. Not to mention, he will be SO loved and raised to be such an awesome man with you two as parents. About Doula’s in Melbourne, I know nothing unfortunately. My main advice is to really ask around and get someone who YOU feel COMPLETELY comfortable with. As for nappies. We were going to do all cloth (gdiapers most likely) but have now settled on S.eventh Generation diapers. They are disposable, but are clorine and bleach free. No colourings, no dyes or harmful chemicals. We really just thought that the amount of water and detergent we would use to clean them would sort of balance out….we do A LOT of laundry! I think the convenience factor and cost was important too. We are out and about often and needed something easy. Make the decision that it right for you guys, and again, ask around!!!

    Ps. Glad to see you back, by the way. Your belly is just gorgeous!

  6. Glad to hear from you!

  7. jen

    I cannot, of course, be helpful to you in regards to finding a doula near you, but I can tell you that we used fuzzi bunz nappies with our son and loved them. We bought the majority of them used because they are expensive, but we have a sanitizing wash cycle on our washer so I was not bothered by using nappies that someone else’s kid had used. I’m guessing that all of the laundry products I could recommend would not be available to you down under, so I will refrain.

  8. Congrats on the boy! I totally understand what you mean.

    The story about when he was conceived was kinda funny. I would have loved to see her face. 😉 Duh.

    Did you ever talk to your acu friends about my case again?

    Glad things are well.

  9. Lurk at You’ll learn all kinds of stuff–that’s what we did!

  10. I don’t have advice, sorry. I do know what you mean about the sex, though. We just want a baby, of course, but we’d love for the first to be a girl so that we know we’ll get a girl (since we’re planning on two). Then we could relax and take whatever comes for the second. It’s good you took the day to feel disappointed before moving on to the happy.

    Great belly shot – I’m glad your pregnancy is going so well!

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