action…but no baby

This is a slightly edited version of something I wrote when I was incoherent and exhausted yesterday. It mightn’t make much sense but it’s certainly reflective of the stress and pressure we were under…this all happened between 8am on Thursday and 12pm on Friday.

Still here though with much more patience than previously. I’ve had a hell of a 24hours –
I was risked out of the birth centre by the consulting obstetrician yesterday morning. Just before I left she decided to do an internal where she discovered I was 6cm dilated and 100% effaced. Her conclusion was that I was in labour. She decided that I could go back to the birth centre straight away and they could break my water. Of course, it’s against bc policy to intervene in any way, including breaking water. They, however, were happy to let me labour naturally there..YAY! I was back in.
I still wasn’t convinced I was actually in labour but foetal monitoring  showed that i was having contractions 2 mins apart, I just wasn’t feeling them! Everyone was in awe. I was feeling very fortunate.

I called my doula and explained the situation and she came up to the BC for a few hours. Nothing was happening and I was bouncing around happily, still with minimal pain so we decided it would be fine to let her go off to her daughters Christmas concert. By 9.30 last night, still nothing was happening so we asked to come home. The consulting obstetrician said no – that if we left now, there was no coming back to the BC. So, against better judgement, we stayed the night and had a fairly peaceful nights sleep.

When we woke up this morning, I had still not really progressed so it made sense to come home and wait for my water to break. It all seemed very uncontroversial and the midwives were happy for us to go home home. The most superior ob however, not only said I couldn’t come home but that I had to be admitted immediately to the HOSPITAL for induction. They wanted to break my water and syntocinin and constant fetal monitoring. EVERYTHING I’ve been working to avoid. This despite perfect blood pressure and endless perfect results from monitoring. I got very scared and very shaky. I felt bruised and blackmailed and bullied.

Anyway, after lots of tears and long conversations with our doula and the BC midwives, we made the decision to ‘act against medical advice’ and come home. The BC midwives were wonderful and have committed to do all they can to keep me with them when I do go into natural labour.

I feel completely traumatised but I’m also thrilled to be home and thrilled to have yet another opportunity to birth naturally. I cannot believe that despite all my knowledge and preparation, I have been trapped in the web of intervention. Sure, thus far I’ve avoided it but I had to fight every.step.of.the.way. I can’t imagine how it is for women who haven’t had the opportunity to learn as much as me.

So, I’m actually hoping this boy stays in for a day or 2 longer because I need the time to recover and find some strength.

Postscript: It’s Saturday morning now. We’ve been home for almost 24hours and I had a pretty good sleep last night. I’m definitely feeling stronger but very happy to wait it out a bit longer. I’ve got another induction acupuncture at lunchtime and Ducks is convinced we’ll be going straight from there to the BC to have the baby. I’m happy for her to be right or wrong.

One thing we feel pretty confident of is that when he does decide to make an entrance it’ll probably be quick. At 6cm dilated, 100% effaced and with waters bulging, it’d be a surprise if it weren’t. The other thing is that his head is right there. The midwife had a hard time working out my dilation because his head was is the way. Clearly this boy knows what he wants and he’s waiting for the perfect time to tell us.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “action…but no baby

  1. Wow! I am so thrilled for you and just overwhelmed with pride that you stuck up for yourself and the birth you should have. I can’t wait for more updates and to see some pics of that boy soon!

    Much l0ve, S

  2. giggleblue

    this is exciting!!! he’s going to be here like in the next 24 hours!! oh, my!!

  3. Wow! As you said, what a wild and crazy ride you’re on. I’m so very impressed that you’ve managed to stand up to them so far – you guys are amazing. As for being so far into it without any pain – that’s just incredible.

    I felt very similarly to you – bullied and bruised into the interventions (although I was only half as much dilated at the time!) That said, and as you know, I ended up with the breaking of the waters, the syntocinin (although in small amounts) and the constant monitoring which was all highly disappointing and inconvenient, but I still feel like we ended up with a mostly natural calm and beautiful birth despite all that.

    We’re both thinking of you guys right now and are sending lots of good birth vibes to you. Stay strong – you’ll get through this and at the end, you’ll have a beautiful Squeak! Try to keep him front and centre in your mind despite all this angst and pressure and you’ll do great.

  4. bless your heart for updating. i was on pins and needles over here girl!

    6cm – 100% effaced – WOW!!!! i think it will go very quickly……how awesome! your body is doing so much work right now without you being in much pain. SO thrilled for you….and just proud of you for being so strong and standing up for yourself and your body. trust in it – it knows what it’s doing!!!

    hoping you get some much needed rest and strength before you meet your boy, and that you have the beautiful, natural birth you want!!! so much love and support is being sent your way today! xoxo

  5. Hi, I don’t know you at all, just stumbled across your blog thanks to google alerts…But I’m wishing you all the best, you’re a brave, strong, amazing woman, it takes major guts to go AMA, even when you know they’re wacked. My thoughts are with you, have a rocking awesome birth!

  6. So exciting!! Fingers are crossed for an easy delivery (at the BC)!!

  7. ok – that was saturday morning and it’s sunday night now… what’s happening??

  8. Thinking of you and sending all my love.

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