vice

This blog entry pains me so. You see, for the better part of two years, right through TTC and pregnancy, I was coffee free. Mostly, I was completely caffeine free. The joy of reintroducing coffee and discovering that it didn’t impact my breastfed baby was insurmountable. Strolls to one of the many awesome local cafes for my daily soy latte have become a great highlight of this stay-at-home mother.

How sad I am thus, to report that I’ve been about 70hours without caffeine (coffee AND tea) and little Squeak has had 2 very good nights sleep. Of course, very good is relative and amounts only to stretches of 2ish hours without waking – but I think we even got a 3 hour stretch in there last night.

And if it’s not my lack of caffeine intake that’s helped, then it’s the added fibre in Squeaks diet. His latest passtime is devouring every piece of paper in sight!  Please let it be that!!!

void

A cold, a babe who doesn’t sleep and motherhood more broadly has eaten my ability to think creatively, or in fact, rationally, or even coherently. I so want to blog regularly. I want to complain about the all night nursing and the stints of no more than 1 hour of consecutive sleep all night. On bad nights, it’s 20 minutes. I also want to complain about the giant boy’s incapacity to nap during the day or sleep at night without me. I feel like we embody the reason that co-sleeping has a bad name. I love sleeping with my boy. I love the snuggles. I love the good they say it’ll do my boy. But there’s a niggling thought in the back of my mind that wonders if we’ve created a monster? Sleep training is not an option for us. I’ve read the books and if I’m not appalled by them, at the very least, I’m demoralised. So I’ve stopped reading the books and remain committed to co-sleeping and [maybe, probably not] being the mother of an only child! Some nights have been so bad that I’ve had to fight the urge to tell TTC’ers to quit while they’re ahead. But despite desperate moments my boy is still awesome and growing and changing so much.

At 5 months, every day brings a new little skill or idiosyncrasy. He’s so engaged with the world now. Nothing within his reach is safe – and I find myself sneaking cups of tea and toast rather than trying to avoid his grabby curiosity.  Cafe outings are timed with breastfeeding or naps in the ergo. If he’s awake it’s hard work! Teaspoons provide some respite but there’s never enough time to get through a meal!

Was he sitting last time I blogged? Well he’s sitting independently now – has been since 4.5 months – and is much happier for it. And it buys me a bit of extra time to try and get his nappies clean and food in my belly (seeing as naptime doesn’t afford me such luxury.)

He’s also become super kissy. He loves nothing more than grabbing our hair, pulling us to him and slobbering (and sometimes clamping down with that super strong jaw) all over our face. It’s so painful but completely adorable and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

And he’s recognising important ppl in his life. My Mum came back from 6 weeks overseas and he remembered her instantly. I was astounded. He adores her and beams from ear to ear whenever he sees her. Same story when Duck gets home from work! It’s gold.

Really, he’s gold. Everything about him is gold and despite some really dark nights [and days] the bliss far outweighs the misery.

I’m going to succumb to my headache now and leave you with a few pics from the last few weeks.