Star signs

Looks like the stars are looking after me, and agreed that a Taurus partner AND a Taurus baby would be unfair on me. My period arrived about an hour ago. I’m disappointed but also relieved to have this waiting period over with. Does the two week wait get any easier?

Although it will be another test on my patience, I’m really glad that I have 6weeks to prepare for the next round. Our donor is going to Italy for the month so no insem in Sept. Maybe we’ll find ourselves with a sensitive Cancerian…not that I’ve already worked out due dates if we were to conceive in October..oh no..hehe…

Game On

Just a quick update to say I’m still in the game! I’m shocked and amazed…and really nauseous and light headed. No testing until tomorrow (after my period is due) though – I’ve wasted enough $$ already.

moon signs

There was a lunar eclipse here last night and I’m starting to wonder if it had anything to do with my PMS grouchiness and the cramps. I’m still not bleeding even though I’ve felt as though I am all day. I’ve had these cramps for a couple of days now even though my period is actually not due until tomorrow or the next day. Maybe I’m still in the game? Or maybe I’m just feeling better for a minute because I have just eaten more chocolate than I care to recall.

unlikely

Still testing negative and feeling crampy with serious PMS. Not looking good this month. I suspect I’ll bleed any minute now. Grump. Someone commented that it really sucks to find out that you’re not pregnant AND get your period on the same day. She’s so right 😦

Dealing

Ok baby. You can feel safe with me now. Do your thing and give me a positive HPT in the next few days OK?

I’ve just dealt with a big drama and piece of emotional baggage that I’ve been holding onto for a while now. Boy, does that feel good! Guilt and avoidance are so unhealthy and I am VERY good at them both. Earlier this year, I thought I was superwoman. I was studying fulltime as well as working my very demanding, often stressful job. By May, I wasn’t coping. I had big drama at work and was finding it impossible to focus on uni at all. Even when I had the physical time to study, I just couldn’t find the head space. In June we had the drama of moving house and it wasn’t until July that I had to admit that I’d dropped the study bundle. I decided to quit uni – probably until after baby arrives. After dealing with a lot of disappointment in myself (I’m really good at this self pressure / self sabotage thing) I have been feeling really great about my decision. I’ve been studying in some capacity for the better part of 11 years now (not to mention the 12 years at school before that). This is the first time in a long time that I’ve been able to truly enjoy my weekends and downtime without that voice in the back of my head telling me to ‘get back to work.’ It’s been great.

Unfortunately though, my quitting uni actually impacted on other people (who were friends before they were research partners) and I was so immobilised by the guilt I felt in letting them down that I have been avoiding dealing with it at all. I took the cowards way out and sent them a long email. We’d be waiting until Christmas for me to feel brave enough to make the call… I figured an email was better than that. I don’t know how they’ll react but the ball is now out of my court and I’m very relieved. I know that they’ll be disappointed not to get the research for their organisation that they were hoping for but I think they’re pretty reasonable and empathetic (sympathetic??) people. I’m pretty sure that there is room to rebuild trust and friendship.

It feels so good to have that dealt with. I’m feeling all righteous now and like there is no reason for the universe to withhold pregnancy from me. I know, I’m deluded.

Comments

eek!!! I got comments 🙂 Does that mean I’ve been accepted as a bona fide member of the blogging universe? I want more comments! Bring ’em on!

dpo = days past ovulation

Spring may have sprung but it seems that the seeds aren’t being fertilised as quickly as I would have liked. It turns out that I’m actually only 9dpo not 10 as I had thought (hoped). That means that the negative result on the home pregnancy test I took this morning isn’t quite as demoralising as I feared but it also means an even longer wait.

In this alternate world I’m living in, minutes take days to pass. Days take years. It’s made harder by the fact that only a handful of people IRL know that we’re in the 2ww. I’m a talker – and I’m generally pretty open about my life, this secret keeping thing is tough.

I’m sure my mum is onto us though…she just called again to see if we had ‘any news.’ That’s the 3rd time she’s asked this week. It’s true, mothers just know this stuff don’t they?

Forgotten

This is our tortoiseshell kitty. She’s about 5 and she’s hard work – they don’t call them naughty torties for nothing. The fact that even blogspot managed to delete the photo of her from my previous post is perhaps a comment on how we sometimes feel about her. When she is sweet, she’s very very sweet. Unfortunately, most of the time she’s terrorising our other cat, ripping up our furniture, smashing glasses off the dining table or eating directly from the pot on the stove. 90% of the time she hisses and spits if we try to go near her. Rescue Remedy helps, so does homecooked food but nothing really helps. Of course, as I write this, she’s being very sweet, basking on the sunny window sill in front of me. One day I’m going to get struck down by lightening for trying to give her away, but until that day, anyone want a naughty tortie?

Perfect Spring Day

After a long, cold winter, the air finally smells of sweet blossom and the pets can again doze for hours in the warm sunshine. I love blossom and I’m always trying to take the perfect photo of it. One day I’ll get it.

Todays imagined symptoms: cramps, sharp pains in my breasts, overheating, fluctuating energy levels. I’m so gonna cave and test in the next few days. This is truly killing me.

Imagination

Imagined symptoms continue to plague me…heartburn, cramps, skin breaking out. My imagination is not helped by the fact that my acupuncturist said my pulse was looking good for pregnancy today! Honestly, I’m feeling pretty calm about the prospect of this not being THE month but wouldn’t it be lovely…I think I’ll test next Wednesday.

In other news, Ducks got a new full time job yesterday. She’s been freelancing all of this year so it’s going to be lovely to have her generating a regular, guaranteed income. Of course, I’m reading it as yet another sign!