What’s in a name?

Owlie asks all the right questions. Recently she asked about names. This is an interesting one. You see, for the longest time, Ducks and I had a boys name and a girls name which we both loved. It was settled. The boys name was one that we had both loved, independently (since wayyyyy before we met) for a long time. The girls, we easily agreed on well before the TTC journey began. And now? Now that we have this tangible, real baby growing, I’m not so sure. There are so many beautiful names out there and I no longer even have difficulty finding boys names that I love. I feel this pressure to choose the perfect name because this child may well be our one and only. If we get this wrong, there mightn’t be another chance. Sometimes I wish we were having multiples, just so that I could use all the names I love! I’m not allowed to share the names we have (had) picked out but to give you an idea, we like classic names which aren’t crazy popular. Of course, classic names are getting more and more popular but I’m learning to live with that. After all, my name has been in the top 10 list for a million years and I survived just fine.  Based on a few of my selections, Nymbler – a website which generates suggested names, tells me I might like to consider these names:

Felix (male), Jolie (female), Rose (female), Charlie (female), Lila (female), Oliver (male), Sebastian (male), Lilah (female), Scarlet (female), Willa (female), Audra (female), Clementine (female), Casper (male), Ophelia (female), Marcella (female), Aurelia (female), Clare (female), Alexander (male), Jude (male), Olive (female), Mika (female), Finn (male), Stella (female), Francesca (female), Annabella (female), Nico (male), Ruby (female), Sam (male), Rosa (female), Luka (male), Luca (male), Ada (female), Lucy (female), Lola (female)

It got it pretty right too – most of my favourite names are among this lot… other suggestions welcome too though!

And then, there’s the whole surname conversation.  Ducks and I don’t have surnames that mix well and both of us feel very attached to our own names. I’m not happy about it but I think we’re going to have to lump poor Squeak with a double barrel surname with no ring to it at all. What s/he decides to do with it when s/he gets older is entirely her/his prerogative. Until then we’ll probably use Ducks surname for everyday stuff but both names on official documents etc.  This is going to take some adjustment for my mother who has some strange attachment to our surname – despite her having inherited it from my father from whom she’s been separated for 25years.  Anyway, what are you all planning in the surname stakes?

I don’t intend to do this every single week but I’m just blown away at the weekly changes in my belly right now. The comparison is incredible!

Tiff – I wanna see your 16 week tummy too! We’re in a race to the end, you realise!??!

Let’s talk about sex, baby

Them: “Do you know what you’re having?
Me: “A baby, I hope.”

When people warned me about the constant irritation of people wanting to know the sex of the baby, I kind of thought they were just a bit intolerant and over reacting a little. I get it now. The more people ask, the more I want to scream. Even one of my workmates, who didn’t find out the sex of her babe, is hassling me like crazy. (BTW – blogging folk – you don’t count…you, my friends, are entitled to know everything.)

Ducks and I kind of backed ourselves into a corner with the whole sex/ultrasound thing. I stupidly told my mother that we thought we would probably would find out. Then I tried to pedal out of it by saying that we were reconsidering…but by then it would be too late. Then people started saying that they ‘needed’ to know the sex so they could find us appropriately gendered baby stuff and on it went…

The reality is that we really do want to find out the sex of little Squeak. We’re a household of women – even all 3 of our pets are girls and we’re finding it difficult not to use female pronouns when talking about Squeak (though Ducks is waaaaayyy worse than me!). And if we are having a boy, then there is going to be a bit of adjusting to do. Not because we wouldn’t be thrilled to have a boy but just because it’s so far out of feminist, female, lesbian frame of reference.

So the answer is yes. We will be having one more ultrasound and we will be finding out the sex. And after feeling resistant and reluctant to share the sex with others (that sounds dirty doesn’t it!!?), we have decided that we will be telling everyone too. Despite how annoying all the questions are, I think people are genuine in their excitement and only want to share it with us.

But god help anyone who asks me if we’re going to find out the gender! Maybe it’s the sociologist in me, but my sex and gender lecture is something you probably don’t want to be subjected too!

Winter Solstice

On Saturday, Ducks and I celebrated our 7th Winter Solstice and hence 7th anniversary together. Pregnant and exhausted, I was a party pooper and piked on dinner and movies, opting instead for Indian take away Big Love on the tv.  Full and ridiculously bloated we barely made it to 9.30 before we rolled from the living room to the bedroom where I promptly passed out. For me, this was a perfectly perfect scenario. We’re good together and adjust pretty effortlessly to each others rhythms. We support each other unconditionally and love each other without boundaries. I honestly couldn’t be happier with us – with where we are in our lives and where were going. I can’t wait to be a Mama with this woman!

And then…like it wasn’t bad enough that I passed out on our anniversary, I had to jump out of bed on Sunday morning and get on a plane for a work meeting in our nations fine capital. Poor Ducks -rejected and left alone on our anniversary weekend and she still loves me. How lucky am I?

Canberra was hell in the end. Aside from the general frustration of a meeting where politicians and bureaucrats speak rhetoric and not much else, there were several other factors working against me… Parliament was sitting so there was little to choose from in the hotel stakes…and where they ended up putting us was truly awful.  I’m not many years from my many many backpacking adventures where I barely blinked at cockroaches in my bed but I’m pregnant right now and am increasingly reliant on creature comforts. A shoebox room with stained bed linen and a tiled floor really didn’t do it for me. That I developed a cold about 2 hours after arriving resulted in a downward stream of misery. I was sick. I missed Ducks and I was freezing cold. In the middle of the night they turned the hotel heating off! When I woke up in the morning, the radio reported that it was currently 1 degree and all I was covered by was a sheet and a light blanket. It’s a wonder I don’t have pneumonia. And then, with a snotty nose and a persistent cough, I had to sit through an 8 hour meeting! I deserve a medal or a pay rise. Or both.

I’m home now and it’s bliss. I don’t intend to get on a plane again until Squeak is earthside.

I leave you now with my belly, which feels enormous but I’m assured it’s not.

I’m not dreaming, it’s got an aura, right?

Family Photos

I cursed myself by daring to think I was better. The moment I blogged about it, the vomit and the nausea came back with a vengeance. Now at 14 weeks and 1 day, I think I may actually be on the road to recovery. I haven’t thrown up in a while now. I’m eating relatively normally and I’m only nauseous at the end of the day when I’m super tired. I can make it through the day without needing to sleep but am collapsing into bed at around 8…and I love it!

I have loads to fill you in on but for now, some pics.

12 weeks! Perfect little Babe. – I think we need to clean our streaky scanner.eek!

A deep breath and my belly is out for all to see. (I got there eventually Tiff!) Finally it’s more than just chub. It actually looks like there’s a baby in there!

My mum has just arrived. More later!

Blogging for LGBT families!

Wow! 12 weeks pregnant and blogging for LGBT families…my family! It’s crazy and this time last year, I wouldn’t have dared imagine it. Nor would I have imagined that in the last 12 months so much law reform could have been possible. After living in the dark ages for far too long, our State and our Country are finally taking some progressive steps forward to protect our families and grant us the rights that everyone else takes for granted.

12 months ago, I was speaking to my lawyer friends about expensive and non legally binding donor and parenting agreements and parenting orders. Today, with the (expected) advent of both mothers automatic inclusion on the birth certificate I’m more worried about our kids surname and our surnames. 12 months ago I felt I had no real choice but to conceive DIY style with a known donor but by the end of the year, I will have every option a partnered heterosexual woman has and can access assisted conception services if I so desire/need.

By the time Squeak is 6 months old, the feds will legally recognise his/her mothers 8 year relationship too. They still won’t let us get married but at least we won’t be forced to tick single on legal documents any longer. We will benefit from joint tax returns and superannuation (pension/retirement) benefits too. As well we should.

We still have a long way to go though and I couldn’t do justice to this blog entry without a shout out to the LGBT folk who don’t dare dream of their own children or creating their own families. In too many places, too many queers still fear for their lives in and out of the closet and as we celebrate our joys, our sadnesses and our bumpy road to forming family, let’s not forget those who aren’t afforded the same privileges as us fortunate few.