Summer in the city

5.30pm on New Years Eve and it’s 42 degrees here (107.6 F). The cats are trying to kill each other, the dog is spread flat on the floorboards and we have spent the majority of the day trying to beat the heat. This morning we went to the beach and lasted 20 minutes before we started to fry. This afternoon we managed several hours of respite as we treated ourselves to AC heaven and saw The Darjeeling Limited.

Clearly not a party night for us, we’re throwing together a salad and dashing to dinner with friends who have a fully air conditioned house. We may stay there until the cool change comes through… if you don’t hear from me for a few days it’s because it’s still hot!

Happy new year all! May 2008 bring lots of love and luck and babydust.

PS – I still have to tell you all about my Christmas presents!

Dry

It’s 9.30 on Christmas night here and while the unlimited wine over the last 3 days has been wonderful, I’m so glad that it’s over.

I feel like I’ve been drinking for weeks. And now I’m ready for a years worth of sobriety. Pregnancy would be well timed right now because I can honestly say that I will not be missing alcohol for quite some time.

Laden with very generous gift vouchers, Ducks and I are going to brave the Boxing Day sales in the morning. I wonder if I’ll still be sworn off alcohol by the end of the shopping mania??

1 down…

1 xmas down, 2 to go. I haven’t fallen in a heap after the traumatic doc visit last week – I’ve been totally consumed by xmas.

We hosted Ducks family Christmas yesterday and it was wonderful. I was really really organised and it went off without a hitch. Ducks got the espresso machine she’s been hassling me for forever and she’s in heaven!

Tonight we have dinner with my Dad and tomorrow my Mum and co. are coming to us.

Thanks everyone for your support and loving words following my little breakdown. I’m planning the letter in my head and will post it here once it’s written…

breakdown

It finally happened. I have thus far avoided any major hysteria with the onset of my period but after my morning, I was that girl, sitting in the car in bumper-to-bumper traffic, crying buckets, trying to catch her breath and hoping no one would notice that she could barely see through her tears.

The trigger…my doctor, when discussing my cycle and my donor said “why don’t you consider having sex with your donor?” I am oscillating between rage and disbelief. This was THE doctor I had been looking for all my life. A woman GP who prioritises holistic and nutritional medicine, someone who self identifies as a feminist and is queer friendly…or so I thought. arghhh.

Did I mention that she was not at all warm and made me feel stupid for questioning my weird temps too?

I will not be seeing her again. But I will be writing to her and her practice about her inappropriate, homophobic behaviour. I’m livd. And really really disappointed.

jinx

There’s a pattern running here. I feel pathetic and certain I’m not pregnant, I blog. You all tell me that this is tough stuff and reassure me that everyone’s on my side. A couple of days later, I start to feel ok and I blog about it. The next day, I bleed.

Woke up with a temp drop, cramps and spotting this morning. Looks like there won’t be a BFP for me this Christmas. At least I didn’t waste any money on tests this month.

I just happen to have a doctors appointment this morning. I’m going to show her my chart and ask about progesterone? I dunno – but it might help.

No insems in January – our lovely donor doesn’t get back from his trip West until the day after I’m due to ovulate.

Boo.

Schools out for summer!

I finished work today! woohoo! I don’t go back until Jan 15. That’s almost a whole month – I’m so excited. I’ve still got a few shifts that I promised to work in Ducks’ parents cafe but by Sunday, I’ll be completely free for 3 weeks. Life’s good.

10dpo here and my temp is high and steady. I’m not getting excited, but I’m no longer the pathetic thing curled up in the corner. I must say, I’m particularly proud that I haven’t caved and tested, nor even really been tempted. Test day is Saturday. That’s only 3 sleeps. I’m totally going to make it! 🙂

9dpo Update

Thanks to everyone for your warmth and your loving, supportive words. They really mean something and definitely help!

Not quite as psychopathic today. My temperature is back up to its highest peak. It’s such a tease. I wish I could work it out. I think I’ve got some slight cramping in my uterus but I’m not convinced that it’s not imaginary or period pain. My period is due on Friday, I think.

More Christmas drinks on tonight but this time, I’m content with sticking to water. (It’s so much easier not to drink when you actually enjoy the company of the people you are with!)

Am at work so should do some in order to avoid working over my break.

PS

I know I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve only been trying for 3 cycles. I’m not being treated for infertility. Our cycles don’t cost us much because we are using a known donor. But it’s still hard and I don’t know what to do to make it any easier.

Grumpy Gertrude

I am in a stir today. My temperature has taken a serious nose dive. There is cat fur on everything I want to wear. Ducks took the car to work and I’m feeling too lazy to catch public transport to get to anywhere I need to go. I should be doing some work but I can’t muster the motivation. I need to start preparing some of the Christmas food but can’t be assed.

In short, I’ve convinced myself that I’m not pregnant and it’s got me feeling this hybrid emotion of sadness and rage.

It’s only 8dpo. How do I move past this?

Oh, and for what it’s worth, I did have that glass of wine yesterday and seeing as I’m in a self deprecating kind of mood, I’m sure that drinking it has ruined every chance of making this cycle a positive one.

No one could ever accuse me of being a drama queen. no.

Positive Patty

Ok. Last nights post may have been a bit premature and pessimistic. I woke up this morning with pains in my uterus and a big rise in my temperature. I’ve now moved from not even thinking about testing to wanting to test today at 7/8dpo. I’m dropping our donor and his lovely partner at the airport on Friday night and I’m having fantasies about telling them I’m pregnant before they jump on the plane. What fun that would be!

The amazing news that I forgot to report yesterday in my gloomy state is that the laws here are changing!!! DP will now be recognised on the birth certificate as our child’s bona fide, legal parent. And we can now access assisted reproductive technology in our own state. There are other amazing things included in the reforms but it is disappointing that they left adoption out altogether. Nonetheless, the laws here have been so backward for so long that it’s a great relief to see this progress.

We’re off to Ducks Christmas lunch at the winery today. I had a couple of drinks the other night and felt ok about it, but now that I’m having imaginary symptoms, I’m not so sure about that glass of wine… I think I’ll google on that!