birth.fear.

Ducks and I attended the first of our independent birth education classes last night. Last night was all about ‘normal’ birth and to be honest, I thought that I wouldn’t learn anything new. I was wrong. Though pretty familiar with most of the information presented, I learnt an awful lot through watching the videos and imagining myself in that situation. Transition looks terrifying and though completely freaked out straight after watching, I think I’ve now developed a healthy level of fear. Before now, I’ve not had any real concerns or fears about birth. I had even boasted about my lack of fear, but I think I was probably a bit deluded or at the very least, in denial. Now that this has presented itself, I have 10 weeks to process it properly and hopefully go into birth less arrogant, better prepared and with my feet a little more grounded in reality.

The class was also a really interesting experiment in gender studies. I will note that we chose this class because we knew that it was dedicated to normalising birth and focused strongly on natural, low/no intervention birth. We also chose it because the woman who runs it has a good rapport with lesbian parents and works hard at keeping the classes inclusive and non-heterosexist…but boy did she have a lot to contend with. There were fathers-to-be in that class who complained that they thought the birth would be too hard for them to sit through and some of them couldn’t help but drag the discussion off into the ‘poor men’ realm. Breastfeeding discussions were interesting too. Now I’m not unsympathetic to how terrifying birth and girly bits are to some men – I get that – It is a pretty odd and terrifying concept, but the idea of classes like this is to think and learn and grow, and unfortunately for the partners of these men, there didn’t really seem to be a willingness to do so. I guess I’m naive and I thought we might have evolved just a little bit more than it seems we actually have. I’m so grateful to have the complete love and support of Ducks. I will never take it for granted but I sure am lucky that this is my ‘normal.’

this week…

29 weeks today! It’s been a long and busy week.  Ducks has been working 16hr days for the last 10days at an event which is finally finishing today. Her Mum has been staying with us too and it’s an understatement to say that she’s been hard work. I feel like all I’ve done is cook, clean and wash for her. I’m shocked by how demanding she’s really been. Thankfully Ducks agrees that she hasn’t been the model house guest so at least I can whinge about her!!!

Despite barely having seen Ducks and missing her loads and the challenges of her mothers presence, it’s been a good week. Spring has truly sprung and my spirit has lifted with its advent. Everything seems easier when the sun is shining.  I’ve also has a little less reflux and a night or 2 where I got a 4hr block of sleep in – which truly is the first time since I’ve been pregnant.

I also made big strides in some work related stuff and feel really good that I’m almost ready to tick a BIG project off my list. 7 more work weeks left and only about 3 months worth of work, rather than 4 or 5. I may just be able to do it!

I chopped all my hair off this week too, and only 2 people noticed – Ducks and one of our friends.  It’s the strangest thing…even my sister didn’t realise – I had to point it out to her. I guess it really suits me so there was no adjustment time necessary for people! That or they really hate it and don’t know what to say! Anyway, I think it’s really cute and it’s light and easy to manage for summer, which, with a newborn, I’m definitely going to appreciate.

Other good stuff about the week…

• I met Clark and Lazyboo of PBX makes four yesterday. They’re at 38 weeks and soon to meet their little guy. We spent the afternoon chatting about 2 of my favourite topics, pregnancy and politics. As I type, they’re having their baby fiesta…here’s to an awesome party and the peaceful, timely entrance of their beautiful babe.
• I bought the dresser/changetable for Squeak today. I love having more storage at any time but this is so desperately needed AND It was such fun running around Ikea asking people to lift things for me. If only I could get it out of the car so I can build it!!! We’re almost there with our baby stuff now. He still needs a cot but other than that, we’d be fine if he were born tomorrow.
• Confirming our doula…but I’ve already blogged about that.
• Learning to map my belly and generally be able to tell where Squeak is at any given time. He’s a good boy most of the time with his head firmly pointing down and his feet, reassuringly bruising my ribs!

Here’s to the start of another good week!

3rd

28 weeks, 3 days. We are officially in the third trimester. Full term is less than 9 weeks away, my actual due date, less than 12.  And less than 8 weeks left of work! I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This wiggly, squirmy, BIG little boy is coming soon!

I had my glucose challenge test on Monday.  I remember thinking early on that the diabetes test was so far away and I would be so pregnant by then…and suddenly here I am. I had a small freak out before the test but it was all in vain. Looks like I’m fine, which is great.

My Mum came with me to Mondays midwife appointment. I promised her she could come to ONE appointment. She loved it. She got to hear Squeaks heartbeat and she talked the ear off the midwife – it was almost embarrassing – I felt like a teenager. She was really impressed with the birth centre. Not that I thought she wouldn’t be, but it was kind of cool to have her impressed by my choices. We never grow tired of being validated by our mothers, do we?

We finally confirmed our doula this week too. She’s lovely and completely right for us AND she does really great pregnancy massage. Ducks really likes her too. Despite the crappy elements of this pregnancy, on paper everything is pretty great and it feels like everything is coming together so nicely.

I’ll get a pic up soon but for now, let’s just say that there’s no mistaking that I’m pregnant. I’ve been offered a seat on a tram twice now, random strangers are asking when I’m due and all of my pre pregnancy tops are about an inch too short! I love my big belly!!

Leaving on a jet plane

I’m off to visit my oldest friend for a long weekend and though I planned on a proper blog entry before I left, this will have to suffice.

My hip has healed, my belly has bloomed and I’m ecstatic about a weekend on the New South Wales Central Coast where the weather is warm and sunny.

The reflux retreated for a few days but is back today with a vengeance and the insomnia is killing me.

AND we found a lovely lovely doula who we both really like.

A post with joining words and paragraphs next week, I promise!! Oh and a belly pic too.

cracking…

It’s been a truly challenging week and I’m really hoping that it’s just a phase and not reflective of the next 3 months. Poor Ducks must surely be over me by now.

After a relatively ok 2nd trimester I think I’m entering the dark days of the 3rd trimester a little bit early.  Whatever it is, by yesterday, I’d started to crack. There were many crying sessions, lots of pouting, some
whimpering, some groaning and a tantrum thrown in for good measure.

Reasons for the cracking:

• I have not been able to walk properly for over a week now. Getting from my front door, to the tram stop should take less than 5 minutes. Yesterday, in great pain, it took me 15. My osteopath has done all she can and says I just have to wait it out – she’s put me back in place, now the damage has to heal.
• The reflux! I’ve had acupuncture, massage, osteopathy. I’ve drunk milk and various teas. I’ve taken long baths. I’ve stretched and yoga’d. I’ve tried to watch my diet. Hell, I’ve even gone for the my.lanta which I swore I wouldn’t do. Nothing works. And actually, the my.lanta made it worse. And it’s bad. Really bad.
• The insomnia. I have not slept through one single night since that glorious BFP appeared back in April.  It’s not stress or anxiety or even discomfort (except when it’s about the reflux.) It’s pregnancy hormones. And comments from people about it being good training for life with a babe are really not helpful.
• The varicose veins and blood blisters in places you don’t even want to know about. Enough said.
• The mood swings. Some of them are related to the frustration of the above complaints. Others are completely random.

Of course, there are still some really compelling, awesome aspects of being pregnant. I’m just not appreciating them much right now. The fact that in 14 or so weeks I’ll be holding my beautiful babe makes everything worth it, sometimes though, I wish I could hit fast forward.

Bristol Palin

Ariel Gore has said it better than I could ever hope to.  Congratulations Bristol Palin.

thyroid note

An interesting side effect of this pregnancy, and one which was not expected at all, is that my thyroid levels are the best they’ve ever been! Optimum in fact, for getting knocked up! It’s odd and not medically anticipated at all. If anything, my understanding is that thyroid can go a bit nuts during pregnancy as you fight over the good hormones with the babe. Nonetheless, I’m hoping this means a long term stabilisation and a riddance, for a while at least, of the thyroxine.

That’s all.

again, gone

I’m pretty crap at this blog thing, aren’t I? I’m just such an Aries…totally inspired and excited by the newness of things and completely unmotivated once it gets old.  I’d call myself fickle, but I’m really not.

Anyway, this time the lovely frog has shaken me from my slumber. Darling Ducks has been trying to get me to post for weeks but she’s a bad example…remember, this was supposed to be her blog too – have you counted how many times she’s posted? That’s right, ZERO!

Things are swimming along here. The last few days have been pretty difficult because in one of those unexplained, undetermined pregnant moments,  I managed to put my hip out so badly that I couldn’t walk but with some good osteopathic care, I’m on the road to mobility again. Other than that though, things are great. I went to the midwife yesterday – all is good and well. Squeak is a model babe in utero. Thus far, he’s not done a single thing against the grain and I’m counting my blessings.

Last time I posted I was confused and stressed about nappies and doulas. Thanks to some very thoughtful advice, particularly from Sorenson, I think we’re on track with both now. We don’t quite have a doula confirmed but I think we’re close. I must warn the TTC’ers though – if you want your pick of doulas, do not conceive a Dec due babe.

An aside about our doula search…it has prompted some very interesting thoughts and conversations about same-sex parenting. When reaching out to anyone/everyone/whoever about our search for a doula, we’ve been met with strange looks and comments when I specify that we’re looking for someone with an understanding and sensitivity to the dynamics of same-sex parenting. “But isn’t it just the same?” became a stock standard response. But it’s not, is it? Particularly for the non-bio mum – her experience just isn’t the same as that of a father. Other people just didn’t believe that there were still homophobes out there.

So, time is marching on. The third trimester is just a sneeze away and I’ve only got 10 weeks left at work which is exciting and terrifying when I consider how much I have to do before then – including recruit and train my replacement! (I’m taking 12 months off unpaid with little intention of actually going back.) Our baby prep is coming together. Squeak has more clothes than us. He has a pram & stroller, car seat and a bouncer, cute little baby towels, plenty of blankets and wraps and a few very cute little bamboo fitted nappies and covers. I’ve got myself a sling and Ducks has put in a request for an ergo carrier. We’ve got a new bed AND a new super comfortable, breastfeeding compatible couch. All we really need is a cot (which we will sidecar to our bed) and a chest of drawers/change table. Oh and a million prefold nappies. If he were to be born tomorrow though, he’d be one very well provided for little boy. It’s starting to get very real and very exciting!

I will try harder to post more regularly. Thanks loyal readers for sticking with such a blog slacker. Below, is me today – 25 weeks, 2 days. I think my growth has slowed down for a bit?